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Welcome to Your Creative Chord Podcast, where host Jenny Leigh Hodgins, author and educator, shares unique insights dedicated to empowering your creative flow and inspired living. Through solo reflections and dialogues with creators and wellness experts, Jenny Leigh shares holistic wisdom influenced by her Buddhist practice, alongside poetic insights and practical strategies for living authentically. This podcast helps you overcome challenges and unlock your full creative potential.

Jenny Leigh: 0:44

Welcome to Your Creative Chord Podcast, where we empower your creative flow and inspired living. I'm your host, Jenny Leigh Hodgins. To celebrate the second anniversary of publishing my books, Kaleidoscope of the Heart, a collection of poetry and lyrics, and Start Piano, What You Need for Successful Learning, this month and next month will feature ideas, poetry, and original music. Our topic in this three-month series will be on the interconnection between grief and loss experiences and creativity as a tool for healing. We'll close the series out in an in-depth conversation with my guest, the Empowered Grief Journey podcast host and acceptance coach, Chris Mamone. As the sole caregiver for my senior mother, who just turned 86 in January, and as someone who has experienced multiple unexpected losses of loved ones from my younger brother in a car accident in 2004 to dear close friends to cancer, heart attack, and health crisis, I continue walking my personal grief experience. My creative process and spiritual practice have been lifelines for me and continue to guide me through this difficult path. For those of you who are experiencing loss, this series is intended to support you. We all grieve uniquely, and on our own personal timeline, there is no singular way to grieve. But I do know that experiencing poetry, whether reading or listening to the works of others, or through creative expression of your own original verses, reduces the feelings of isolation and brings relief through supportive empathy, as expressed in verses. So in the next two episodes, I will share meditative and calm readings from my book, Kaleidoscope of the Heart, as well as my original songs and music. I will share the personal backstory behind selected creative works and demonstrate how my creative process with composing words and music supports emotional processing. My creative works range from the expression of my own wrestling with angst, grief, and loss to a sense of grounding from alignment with greater purpose and an eternal connection with my loved ones beyond time and space. And I share these creative pieces around the topic of grief and struggle as a way for us to find comfort in poetry and music and as a way to find deeper meaning from the grief journey. Relief and loss are sometimes about losing a loved one through death. But sometimes and also we feel lost through life transitions, friendship and relationship changes with identity and career shifts. These experiences may include the loss of your creative compass or energy, the expression of burnout symptoms, and a deep yearning to find stillness, relief, comfort, and peace. Or simply to feel less alone. So my goal in sharing my music and words through the next couple of episodes is to help us reduce the feelings of isolation, get relief through emotional expression, forge spiritual and creative resilience, and to redirect our inner critic to reconnect to our core self. The core self is that soul or the greater potential within each of us that has the strength, the courage, and the compassion to rise above any struggle with the power of hope and faith in ourselves and realize a deeper meaning and purpose within our experiences. So this series on grief, caregiving, and creativity is meant to be an immersive and reflective experience for you, as well as a sharing of my authentic journey and creative work. So we'll go through the hard things together, guided by and connected with the mystic power inherent within the creative heart of each of us. It is my experience that tapping into creative expression, whether it's poetry, lyrics, music, art, dance, literature, storytelling, or another artistic outlet, that is what connects us. And to human and to the universal power of the cosmos. This connection bridges our hearts, our differences, and allows us to authentically voice our feelings and heal. So let's start with a musical reflection. First here's the backstory. The music you will hear is a piece I composed to honor one of my dearest friends, Tina, who unexpectedly passed away from a heart attack before her 50th birthday in 2019. I composed this piece as a tribute to Tina, and I shared it at her memorial, which I also helped plan and facilitate. And the music is a tribute to all that is good about Tina and a deep appreciation for the many ways she encouraged me to see the good within myself. It's called "On the Wings of Faith," because I knew Tina to be someone whose gentleness and pure heart guided her practice of faith. The music expresses what I perceived as her ascension beyond our confined dimension into a realm of lightness and purity. As you listen to my music, which by the way I've shared in a previous episode with a different reflection, if you recognize it, I hope you will allow yourself to simply be present with what the music evokes for you. To sit with the music in stillness as it tells a story of loss, friendship, appreciation, sadness, and ultimately a tribute to faith. You may wish to just listen to the music, or journal notes or verses as you feel moved. The main focus of this musical meditation is for you to acknowledge your feelings as they are without judgment. Use gentle care as you allow your feelings to emerge naturally.

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[Music]

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Acknowledging our feelings is part of the process of healing loss and grief. It's important for our healing to allow whatever comes up. And even though loss and grief can bring complex emotions, go through these with courage and trust in your ability to eventually process and surmount these feelings. Music and poetry can help us get in touch with our deepest emotions. This is one of the first steps to gaining a sense of relief, realization, and the deeper meaning of loss. As a sole caregiver in a family dynamic of estrangement, I am grieving the illusion of a family I thought would be possible for me and my elder mother right now. I also go through my own bouts with anticipatory grief, knowing full well from experiencing many unexpected losses that I can lose my mom at any moment. And I really struggle with these feelings frequently as her caregiver. The optimistic and empowering philosophy and my spiritual practice of Buddhism, along with creative and practical strategies, help me through this process. So I know it's normal to feel sad, alone, and anxious about losing my mother one day, using creativity and spiritual practice like chanting, praying, journaling, nature walks, as well as heart-to-heart conversations with mom and close friends. These all help me to stay the course through my grief journey. Expressing feelings through poetry or lyrics helps me absorb, clarify, clear, and heal myself.

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My poem, "And I Am Strong," from page 30 of my book, "Kaleidoscope of the Heart," expresses the inner strength that creative and spiritual practices give me. Let me share this poem with you now.

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"And I am strong. I'm learning how to move on, focus on getting beyond. The old, the pain, the loss, the blame. I'm learning to just let it go. Let the life within me grow. The burn in my heart that lasted so long is beginning to fade, and I am strong. I am ready now to move on, develop a much deeper bond for hope, for love, for getting enough. I'm flowing forward in my way, open to the joy of a new day. The confusion I felt that held me back so long is melting like the snow, and I am strong. Life is like an intricate maze that gets deeper with every layer of karma pulled away, and the journey goes beyond experiences that are gone, and the spirit rises up to carry on. The power of my heart goes beating on and on. I survive, overcome, and I am strong." R

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eflect. What feelings arise for you from hearing this poem? No matter how difficult grief may be, it is my experience, and it is also supported by research, that poetry can reduce suffering and help you find purpose and meaning in such difficulties. And that's what I hope you gain from today's creative immersion. But going through feelings of grief and loss may be heavy at times. Poetry can help us release some of these emotions. Like a heavy crying session can bring relief.

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Here is a poem I wrote after the death of one of my very closest friends, Linda, called "Talking to Your Ghost" from page 83 of Kaleidoscope of the Heart:

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I would like to tell you, your death shocks me. You tell me, don't worry about it. You tell me, just relax. You tell me, don't think about it too much. I would like to tell you, your laughter always took away my heaviness and fear. So, during our next encounter when I'm on my knees in garden dirt, or sweating bullets over how to repair something in my house, and I hold the phone to delve into the nitty gritty details and get your advice, but the sound of your voice and laughter is replaced by stone cold silence. My breath punches my gut. My heart feels lost for a full agonizing moment of reality.

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For me, that poem clearly shows how hard and surreal loss can feel. One moment I'm having a heart-to-heart chat with a good friend. The next moment is completely void of her presence, knocking me off balance. And grief can feel that way. Here are a few short poems on that subject.

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This is from page 78 of Kaleidoscope of the Heart. Short poems called "This is the Poem," "Changes," and "Life Without You."

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This is the poem.

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This is the poem that cries in the middle of my soup, that bursts because my heart cannot hold the grief in, because losing you is surreal. And when sorrow takes away all my energy and strength, this is the poem that explains, "In my creative garden where I feel you like the immovable rock near the flowers."

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"Changes." Plants appear out of nowhere, from the bare ground, subtly breaking through soil to reach for the sun's light, with energy that grows and spreads, the seeds, leaves, petals, and fruit, like unseen magic in my gardens. Then fades and browns all flowers and leaves until they drop and blow away with the wind before I ever fully comprehend any changes.

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"Life Without You."

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Darkness falls in the middle of the day, sunlight hidden in the foggy gray, air so misty that the path is hidden. Still, I'm walking on to find the way. Something simple, like the sound of you, laughing loudly at something I would do, breaks the heaviness falling on my heart, pushes me to keep on going through.

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And here's my poem called "Empty," from page 94 of "Kaleidoscope of the Heart.:

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It's empty, like opening the door but no one is there. Awkward and odd, like waking up in an unfamiliar place, expecting the usual. Eerie, to see everyone I love so dearly in normal circumstances carrying on like they have holes in their hearts, hidden beneath the chatter. There is a loud elephant in every room, roaring your absence, the void. We are circus trainers put upon to catch this wild animal of loss without nets or whips for protection. Feels like falling without a net, dropping from my fear of heights, blundering into the darkness alone, and yet we are together without you. It's empty, like the moment when the sun disappears and night begins. Quiet and still, but the memories and emotion overwhelm with fullness. I speak to you within my heart as if our dialogue never stopped. I listen for your voice from within the rustle of leaves and rain. I hear nothing but feel it all. It's empty.

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I have purposely shared verses that express that sharp angst of the grief experience today because I know that bravely facing our heaviest emotions is the way through. Use my creative works in this moment to care for yourself gently and allow space for all your feelings. If you need support, please reach out to a qualified therapist or grief counselor. In next month's episode, I'll be sharing more of my verses from Kaleidoscope of the Heart, and specifically I'll share words that reveal the deeper and eternal connection forged with my late loved ones and how their lives and deaths have inspired me to live with more presence and purpose. I'll also be sharing some of my original songs and a piano piece for meditative experiences that may help you in the practice of gentle stillness with your authentic feelings. If today's episode spoke to you, I invite you to continue that reflection through my poetry and lyrics collection, Kaleidoscope of the Heart. You can explore the therapeutic power of poetry and get your copy at yourcreativechord.com/books.

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And if this reflection is stirring something in you and you like gentle structure to explore your own creative process, you can download my free creative empowerment sampler at yourcreativechord.com/getinspiredhere.

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It offers simple practical tools to help you move through blocks and reconnect with your creative flow.

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As we close today's episode, I invite you to carry these reflections and creative moments with you. In episode 90, next month, we'll celebrate the two-year anniversary of my book, Start Piano, What You Need for Successful Learning, with more of my original piano works for meditative listening and creative reflection. And to close out this three-part series, in episode 91, my guest Chris Momoni, acceptance coach from the Grief Empowerment Journey podcast, he will join me to explore the grief experience with real talk and practical ways to navigate. Find meaning and move forward without being defeated by it. Chris featured me as a guest on his show recently, and we had a great conversation about the Grief Journey and how creative, spiritual, philosophical, and practical strategies help the healing process.

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Thank you so much for sharing this time with me today, for gently opening your heart to your own feelings, and for letting creativity guide you through your Grief Journey. I'll see you in episode 90. Embrace the journey.