How To Deal With Resistance to Your Boundaries | Your Creative Chord Podcast Ep 78 

[00:00:00] VO Artist: Welcome to Your Creative Chord Podcast, where host Jenny Leigh Hodgins, author and educator, shares insights dedicated to empowering your creative flow and inspired living. Through solo reflections and dialogues with creators and wellness experts, Jenny Leigh shares holistic wisdom influenced by her Buddhist practice, alongside poetic insights and practical strategies for living authentically. This podcast helps you overcome challenges and unlock your full creative potential.

[00:00:43] Jenny Leigh Hodgins: Hi, it's Jenny Leigh. Welcome back to Your Creative Chord. In episode 77, I discussed how boundaries can protect your creative energy, and the signs that indicate you need to establish boundaries.

[00:00:59] That conversation was grounded in the message from my RESET Your Energy and Creative Flow bookmark of my Inspirational Bookmark Trio. And the idea is also central to the coaching work that I do. It's about creating space for your best self to emerge by protecting your emotional, mental, and creative wellbeing.

[00:01:23] And today I wanna follow up with something I mentioned in episode 77. One of the hardest parts of setting boundaries is not just the decision to do it, it's dealing with the backlash that often follows afterwards.

[00:01:42] Whether it's in the workplace, our personal lives, or even with ourselves, resistance to boundaries is very real, especially when you're dealing with people who have toxic behaviors or dysfunctional tendencies. And sometimes if you're like me, that dysfunction can even come from within. For instance, one of my longstanding patterns is overextending myself.

[00:02:08] Learning to set boundaries has meant learning to protect my time, my energy and peace without piling on any self-judgment or guilt. And it's such a habit that I really have to proactively set those limits for myself because it's a natural go-to for me.

[00:02:31] And that leads me to a story from my SGI Buddhist practice that I've, I've been an SGI Buddhist, uh, for 38 years, going on my 39th year this year. And this story from my SGI Buddhist practice that helps me reframe my thinking about boundaries in these tough situations is the story about Bodhisattva Never Disparaging.

[00:02:55] Bodhisattva Never Disparaging is a figure from Buddhist literature who embodies the deepest respect for all life. 

[00:03:02] What he did was simple but profound. Every time he encountered another person, he would bow deeply and say, I deeply respect you. I will never disparage you because I know you have the potential to attain Buddhahood within you. He sincerely believed in each person's capacity for awakening their Greater Self.

[00:03:25] But here's the thing, not everyone was receptive to him. Many people were in a very low life state. They ridiculed him. They literally threw stones, persecuted him and called him names, but he never gave up on his belief in their inherent goodness at the same time, he didn't just stand there and take it.

[00:03:47] He literally moved to the opposite side of the road to distance and protect himself from their actions. And that detail has really stayed with me. Bodhisattva Never Disparaging did not retaliate, but he also did not remain in harm's way. That is the lesson.

[00:04:09] Setting boundaries is not about closing our hearts or condemning others. It's about maintaining our own wellbeing and emotional stability. It's about protecting your energy, honoring your own capacity, and moving out of the line of fire when necessary without abandoning your belief in the good that exists in others.

[00:04:31] But we don't have control over other people's growth. We can believe in their greater potential, but we cannot force them to see it or to act from it. Everyone moves at their own pace, and when someone resists or pushes back against the boundaries that you set,

[00:04:49] it's usually more about their own unresolved stuff than it is about you. I'd like to share something personal here because I know how hard this can be. There are people in my life who have responded very negatively, some even angrily to the healthy boundaries I've put in place, and I had to make the very difficult decision not to respond to some of their messages or communications, even though I care about them and I miss them.

[00:05:19] But it became very clear that anything I tried to express, whether spoken or written, was being twisted, misunderstood, or outright distorted through the lens of their own pain and anger and trying to communicate. When someone is stuck in that kind of low state, it's futile. And even though that's painful because I do want to connect and I do believe in their Greater Self, but I also know I am not willing to continue engaging in disrespectful, non-reciprocal or toxic dynamics anymore.

[00:05:55] That's a shift I've had to make. It's not easy, but it's necessary for healing, wellness, and a thriving life. This is why I find the story of BofA never disparaging so deeply encouraging. It reminds me that I can still believe in others' potential, even if I don't know when how, or if they'll reveal it in this lifetime.

[00:06:21] I can step away, protect myself, and stop trying to fit people into my timeline or expectations. That shift widens my perspective. It allows me to choose space, not out of resentment, but out of self-compassion. It reminds me to stay in my lane and gives others room to change if and when they are ready.

[00:06:59] And if they never are, that's their path, not mine. But let's be real. Setting a boundary doesn't make the emotional aftermath disappear. You still have to wrestle with your own feelings about the resistance that you may face from others and about letting go of your need for them to understand or change or respond the way you wish that they would.

[00:07:23] That is where your true transformation really begins because it's not just about creating space, it's about holding that space for yourself with compassion. Even as negative emotions come up, I've learned that you have to process these feelings, otherwise they'll just get stuck and drag you down and block your creativity.

[00:07:43] I wanna share some practical tools that help me navigate that emotional struggle. For example, I've literally punched a pillow. I go for long walks or I'll do yoga sessions. I immerse myself in the beauty of nature's restorative power, lots of gardening, lots of sitting out on my patio, surrounded by the trees, going to parks and things like that

[00:08:07] with my senior mom. I journal to get the swirling thoughts out of my head. Sometimes I'll even use voice memo because it's faster and it gets it out of my head. I just sit mindfully with the feeling without judgment and watch what it brings up for me. And I especially trust my creative process to navigate that energy.

[00:08:30] That is one powerful and mystic aspect of creative expression. It's not just about production, it's about inner change. And it's refreshing and every time I've had to work through painful emotions, especially when dealing with toxic dynamics or unreciprocated relationships, I've found that turning to my creative practice, like writing a poem or lyrics or music, or a song that opens up something in me that leads to my catharsis and healing self-awareness.

[00:09:05] Let me share a real life example. I wrote a song called For You And Me from exactly that emotional space about caring about my family, needing to protect myself from dysfunctional habits and toxic behavior, and leaning on sending them prayer while wrestling with the grief of that pain and distance.

[00:09:28] The song is from my Butterfly Believe album, and it features my original musical theater style vocal songs. And in this episode, I'll play a short excerpt of that piece for you. Let's take a listen.

[00:09:43] ​

[00:11:16] Jenny Leigh Hodgins: For You And Me is how I creatively worked through my own emotional boundary setting process with people I deeply care about. I'll also share the link to my Butterfly. Believe album in including the full version of my song for you and me in the show notes in case you're curious and would like to listen to more.

[00:11:36] Although creative expression can be therapeutic for me. As a longtime SGI Buddhist, prayer is my foundation. Chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, which is the essence of SGI Buddhist practice, is really how I process everything and literally transform my suffering into value. It is how I release all the anger, hurt, disappointment, resentment, and grief.

[00:12:03] And most importantly, it's where I raise my life state so I can view things from a higher perspective. Chanting is how I emerge from my emotional muck into a place of clarity, strength, and compassion, and not just for myself, but for others as well, including those I've had to move away from. Prayer allows me to consistently bring myself to care for their happiness while staying firmly in my lane.

[00:12:33] And that's what gives me peace. It's what helps me make meaning and purpose and move forward. So if you're in this space, if you're working through painful emotional resistance from learning how to set boundaries or maintain them, or you're dealing with a backlash of that, please know there are ways to move through that.

[00:12:54] Exercise, stillness, nature immersion, journaling, self-reflection, sitting still with your emotions and just being mindful of them. Speaking of mindful, mindfulness, being in the moment with any daily action, meditations, and punching a pillow are all valid ways to help you process your feelings.

[00:13:21] You can learn more about chanting at sgi-usa.org, and the link is in the show notes. One of the most healing ways to transform the difficulties of boundaries is through your own creative process. That energy doesn't need to stay stuck. You can turn it into something meaningful. Let me share with you a few more examples from my personal creative practice that have helped me navigate the backlash of setting boundaries.

[00:13:51] I'll share a couple of excerpts of my verses, but stay tuned for bonus episode 79 to get the full versions of today's song and these poetic examples from my personal creative expression. The following verses expressed the enlightening impact of prayer in navigating boundaries.

[00:14:11] Here's an excerpt from a poem called Peel Another Layer from page 112 of my poetry and lyrics book, Kaleidoscope Of The Heart.

[00:14:24] So I sit here in my solitude, in sync with my Divine to peel away a layer from this artichoke of mine. What I see is plainly me holding lock and key. I pray for strength to do what it takes to open and set free this part of me, this protected aspect of my heart. I know at least that this is the place to start.

[00:14:59] And here's my prose poem. Prayer Brings Light To Dark from page 21 of Kaleidoscope Of The Heart.

[00:15:10] Out of darkness and pain comes this incredible moment of beauty and light. Seeing into myself leads to a view of the vast universe. A deep connection from my soul to spiritual dimension, and yet a lightness that floats above and within me. I feel joy and appreciation, and everything becomes amazingly simple.

[00:15:38] Every suffering offers an answer, A chance to sync my heart with true purpose, the greatest joy of living, filled with my potential, aligning every daily action with the task of spreading happiness, empowerment, and fulfillment.

[00:16:02] Take a moment to pause here and reflect on what these verses bring up for you.

[00:16:15] I encourage you to explore your creative expression by journaling, playing music, moving, dancing, or dabbling with visual art to see where it takes you.

[00:16:35] If you'd like more of this kind of creative expression, you can find more in my poetry book, Kaleidoscope Of The Heart, at YourCreativeChord.com/books, andthat link is in the show notes. So if you're learning to address boundaries in the midst of setting boundaries and facing the backlash, know this; You are not doing anything wrong.

[00:16:56] You're choosing self-compassion and you're choosing alignment. This is part of your amazing personal growth for empowering your creative flow and an inspired life, and you're still holding space for others to grow, but on their timeline, not yours. Stay in your lane. Set your boundary. Move to the other side of the road when needed. And keep your heart open.

[00:17:24] Not for anyone to take advantage of, but for your own peace, your own clarity, and your own creative flow. Using creativity to process all that goes along with navigating the complexity of boundaries is one way to help you through it. However, I want to add a caveat that as my poetry versus illustrate, addressing these difficult experiences with spiritual and practical practices will also naturally help open up your creative flow.

[00:17:56] Creative expression can be fueled by your efforts to face your life's challenges. This is what I've lived. This is what I'm living as a creator myself. And what I've shared today is again, based on the concepts on my reset, your energy and creative flow bookmark, which is a core part of my Creative Empowerment Coaching Program.

[00:18:19] And if you're looking for daily reminders and practical tools to support your boundaries and your creative energy, start there. You can download my free Inspirational Bookmark Trio at YourCreativeChord.com/getinspiredhere. Thanks for listening. Until next time, please continue to listen to your inner wisdom, explore some of these practices from today's episode, and let me know how they impact you and your creative flow.

[00:18:49] Remember,

[00:18:49] boundaries are a bridge to your Greater Self and a doorway to the healing creative power within your heart.

[00:18:58] VO Artist: Thank you for listening to Your Creative Chord Podcast. If you found inspiration in today's episode, please leave a review and subscribe to the show.

Your support helps spread the message of creativity and inspired living. Stay connected with Jenny Leigh and a vibrant community of creatives and curious minds. Visit YourCreativeChord.com for more resources. Remember, daily life is where your creative flow begins. Embrace the journey!