[00:00:00] VO Artist: Welcome to Your Creative Chord Podcast, where host Jenny Leigh Hodgins, author and educator, shares unique insights dedicated to empowering your creative flow and inspired living. Through solo reflections and dialogues with creators and wellness experts, Jenny Leigh shares holistic wisdom influenced by her Buddhist practice, alongside poetic insights and practical strategies for living authentically.

[00:00:28] This podcast helps you overcome challenges and unlock your full creative potential.

[00:00:43] Jenny Leigh: Welcome back to Your Creative Chord Podcast. I'm your host, Jenny Leigh Hodgins. Do you ever feel like you're so busy doing things for other people that the things you truly value are getting left behind? Like, is there not enough time for what you most value [00:01:00] or want in your life? Today's episode is about how setting boundaries can help you protect what matters most for a balanced, fulfilled life.

[00:01:11] I've learned a lot about how a lack of boundaries affects my life. In my recent chapter of life, since I've moved up here from Florida to Kentucky to be a caregiver for my mom, I've gotten so busy with my online business tasks, social media, marketing, my caregiving responsibilities, and my previous leadership role on the board that my self care and my downtime was eventually just completely dropped for quite a while.

[00:01:40] Also, I had a 24 year old cat. My beloved Cory, who, bless his heart, I think prolonged his life just for me because he knew I was so busy. We used to have moments of downtime at the end of every day where we would sit together, I'd be reading or listening to music and he would sit [00:02:00] next to me or on me. A lot of that was just completely neglected in the last few years of those very busy chapters with very busy tasks.

[00:02:10] Unfortunately, I had to Put him down last year. He was just so uncomfortable with all of his ailments growing as he aged. I welcomed the vet into the home and put him down very gently. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Losing a loved one is hard enough, but I especially had a hard time with that because I was saying goodbye to him with deep regret and apology for wasting the opportunities I had to spend more time with him to treasure that time we had together.

[00:02:39] Fortunately, I dedicated a good chunk of Time with him at the end, it really woke me up to the importance of doing what's most important and basing my daily activities on my values and not on tasks that aren't as meaningful as those I love. [00:03:00] This painful experience really shaped my commitment to being more intentional and mindfully present with those that are in my life now from my Russian blue cat Myster behind me.

[00:03:13] I spend careful time with him in the mornings and in the evenings as downtime. I make sure that we have that moment every day. I have wellness activities with my mother, who's 84. I'm really careful to be mindfully present when we're taking our walks in nature to treasure that moment and not be caught up in the spinning wheel of my to do list in my mind.

[00:03:36] And same thing goes for my professional peers and my clients. Feeling like I'm on a hamster wheel trying to get things done. I'm in the moment with you, with that person in front of me, I'm extending this period as a wake up call to spend time with myself and deepen my efforts for self care and self compassion [00:04:00] through stillness.

[00:04:02] I know that's an odd concept in today's society. We're always busy on the phone, on the computer, knocking off our productivity to do list. But I find that the more I prioritize moments of stillness and really checking in with myself, how do I feel in this moment, what's going on with me, why am I responding or reacting to this situation or person the way I'm doing, and then finding appreciation for that moment of reflection and re using it to redirect myself to doing things I love with people I love and pets that I love.

[00:04:41] And loving what I do today. I'm going to share some insights I've learned through this last chapter of my life, where I have had a major wake up call to the fact that I have a tendency to overextend myself and get so busy doing things that I neglect [00:05:00] how I feel about the moment myself and the people around me or my beloved pets.

[00:05:07] And so I'm going to share some insights that I'm learning through my burnout recovery process. About being more intentional with my time and my relationships, especially with regard to healthy boundaries. Today I'm going to talk about a few ways I'm bringing that presence of mind, being mindful, into my busy life, into my busy schedule, and some questions to help you reflect on this in your own life.

[00:05:36] And a few ideas on how to stay connected to what and who matters most. So let's get into it before we go any further. I'd like to invite you to download my Inspirational Bookmark Trio at YourCreativeChord.com/getinspiredhere. It's designed to help you reset your energy and nurture [00:06:00] your creative flow.

[00:06:02] So let's talk about why boundaries matter, which is why they are essential. Especially for anyone with significant responsibilities, if you're working and caring for loved ones, whether they're your kids or your adult parents or both, or you've got pets or you're a volunteer or you have a lot of responsibilities for others in your workplace, many of us juggle multiple significant responsibilities.

[00:06:28] And let's talk about why these boundaries are essential in all of these spheres. Boundaries create the structure needed to fuel quality and balanced work, caregiving, and personal time. Boundaries bring positive wins for personal happiness and fulfillment. One way I set boundaries is by prioritizing non negotiable time with my mother, such as our [00:07:00] regular nature walks and creative activities together.

[00:07:03] I start with my why. Keeping mom active and mobile prolongs both her wellness and longevity, as well as mind. And movement, fresh air, and sunlight boost wellness for both of us. So that is always a priority. To maintain her longevity. It's very important that we continue wellness activities on a daily basis.

[00:07:25] It's a priority. Losing sight of these boundaries can easily lead to burnout. I'm on my way through my burnout recovery myself after a long period of neglecting boundaries in my life. For more on burnout and recovery, check out episodes 58, 62, and 63. In those episodes, I went in depth about my burnout recovery.

[00:07:46] And different strategies I'm still using to recover from and avoid future burnout and to rebuild and maintain creative energy. These subjects go hand in hand with today's topic [00:08:00] of boundaries. Setting boundaries is about protecting what fuels our positive energy, time, and mutually harmonious relationships.

[00:08:10] It's about giving ourselves permission to prioritize. What we value the most when I'm prioritizing what matters to me the most and that starts with self care and self compassion and protecting my energy and my time that allows me to give better energy more positive energy To the people around me and it also makes me wiser with how I choose to extend my energy Within the relationships around me as well.

[00:08:41] So Where in your life could you benefit from clear and healthy boundaries? How could these boundaries improve your relationships?

[00:08:56] What's something you've been meaning to make more time for? Does anything come to mind when you think about where boundaries could make a difference in that? I'll give an example in my own life. Practicing piano is important to me because piano is a way for me to Creatively express where I am in the moment.

[00:09:22] And by continuing to steadily work on my daily creative skills at the piano, I feel an immediate dopamine hit. I feel proud of myself for accomplishing something. And the act of playing the piano actually reduces my stress. Reconnects me to myself and my ability to be creative and to express that through the music.

[00:09:49] It's such a huge part of my daily self care. That's why I prioritize practicing the piano. There were moments, chunks of time, throughout my history, because I've had a tendency to overextend myself for others, that my piano, Went by the wayside and that really accumulated my burnout and my negative feelings because it wasn't taking care of me.

[00:10:15] So that's an example of something I'm definitely making time to prioritize in my daily life. Now let's talk about what happens when we don't have those boundaries in place. Something I've learned the hard way. Without clear boundaries, toxic relationships, people, They drain your energy, and they pull you into their misery.

[00:10:40] People pleasing comes at a much greater cost than that initial payoff you think you're gonna get of appeasing someone else's expectations or avoiding their toxic response. I spent years doing this in my personal and professional life until I just burnt my candles at both ends and finally had a major wake up call about that.

[00:11:05] I'm diving deep into this Issue because I want to shift my life and ingrain the healthy boundaries habit. See if you can relate to this because I think so many of us can, particularly women. I bent over backwards to appease. I overextended myself in a misguided hope, very misguided, that this would inspire mutual support.

[00:11:30] The theme of boundaries continued to reappear in my life. As an issue until I finally got the point. The point is that setting clear boundaries benefits both parties. I benefit from feeling finally in harmony with myself by not contributing to something I don't want to. I'm being authentic. I'm being honest in that scenario.

[00:11:57] And the other party benefits [00:12:00] from having clarity about what I will not do and from not having my assistance In making any kind of toxic cause with their imbalanced actions or behavioral habits. These are huge lessons for me to understand that by setting healthy boundaries, I'm not just protecting myself.

[00:12:25] I'm actually helping other people. Whether they take that responsibility or not is on their plate, but I don't allow them to use me to make a negative cause. And that's huge. Neglecting self care affected my music practice routine, my business, my personal wellness, and my mental balance. It caused me to lose precious time, and to be mindful of my time with my loved ones, like my dear, beloved, buddy, Cory, my cat.

[00:12:59] [00:13:00] Here are some examples. In my life, perhaps you can relate to some of this. Due to other people's insecurities and manipulative behaviors that often they're not even aware that they're doing, I held myself back from expressing my true self. I held myself back from reaching my goals with all I've got. And I dimmed my light so that they would feel less threatened.

[00:13:28] I really woke up to that recently and I realized it's just been a lifelong habit. And that didn't help them. And it hurt me. It held me back from achieving things that I've wanted to achieve for a long time. I also overloaded myself so much with tasks for others that they could have helped me with, that I lost precious moments with, for example, my late beloved cat, Cory.

[00:13:58] and friends and [00:14:00] family. It broke my heart when I had to put my beloved Cory to sleep last November. I apologized to him sincerely for my neglect and I thanked him for hanging on for me as long as possible and that I would use this as a wake up call to be mindfully present from that point forward. And I really have been mindfully keeping to that promise to my buddy.

[00:14:27] Now, I am a work in progress. But I'm prioritizing being mindful of my moments alone, my quiet quality time with my mom, my friends, my cat, Myster, and meeting new people through enjoying things that I love to do, like listening to music, going to concerts, doing yoga, community events, outdoor activities, my personal creative projects, and my work for my business.

[00:14:55] I'm also prioritizing self care, such as my daily [00:15:00] morning and evening Buddhist prayer, my piano practice, journaling to get my thoughts and feelings on paper, listening to or reading books and podcasts, and my night wind down routine. The cost of ignoring boundaries go way beyond feeling too busy. They affect our health, our relationships, and our happiness.

[00:15:27] So here's something for you to reflect on. What's one area in your life that could feel more manageable or fulfilling if you set a boundary?

[00:15:41] Let's talk about the steps to set boundaries. How can we set boundaries that truly protect our energy values and our priorities? Here's some practical steps. Identify what's most important to you. Make a list of non negotiables. For [00:16:00] me, it's mindful time with my loved ones, Piano practice time and my wellness and creative routines for myself.

[00:16:11] What are your non negotiables? One of the boundaries that I've really had to work on and am still practicing is to cut off my work time at dinner, daily. To wind down off the screens and allow moments for reflection, moments of stillness with my beautiful Russian blue cat, Mr. And to interact with my mother in a more mindfully present way, to treasure each other.

[00:16:41] Beyond prioritizing my night routine and my time with loved ones, I also use boundaries for better work focus. I turn off notifications entirely, and I work in 90 minute time blocks. I schedule that time for a specific type of task, or of badging like tasks. [00:17:00] For example, if I'm recording podcast episodes, I have a block of 90 minutes.

[00:17:05] In which I fully focus on getting those episodes recorded, nothing else. Having clear time blocks within my work for different kinds of tasks keeps me on point and focused, resulting in greater productivity without burning out.

[00:17:24] Pardon this brief interruption. I'm Jenny Leigh Hodgins and I'm excited to share two resources that can truly enhance your life or serve as thoughtful gifts for those you care about. First, Kaleidoscope of the Heart, A Collection of Poetry and Lyrics, is a beautiful, diverse, and therapeutic exploration of the human experience.

[00:17:44] My verses reflect my inner transformation and serve as a powerful tool to help others tap into their inherent empowerment. With a range of poetic and lyrical styles and themes, from relationships and nature to self [00:18:00] empowerment and resilience, This collection offers hope and strength through the power of authentic expression.

[00:18:07] Whether you're new to poetry or a long time reader, its reflective and spiritually optimistic qualities Make it a unique source of comfort and insight one reader shared "Jenny has gifted us with a comprehensive dive into universal matters of the heart nature relationships loss and grief hope and the artist's life this poetry offers moments of introspection and illumination about our human condition."

Second, if you or someone you know is interested in learning piano, Start Piano, What You Need for Successful Learning is an invaluable guide.

[00:18:51] This book covers everything from choosing the right keyboard and finding a great teacher to mastering effective practice techniques. [00:19:00] It's perfect for new learners and those returning to the piano. Both books make fantastic gifts as well. For holiday shopping or special occasions, buying Kaleidoscope of the Heart in bulk?

[00:19:12] To share with friends and family is an easy way to spread inspiration and joy. Similarly, bulk orders of Start Piano can equip aspiring musicians and educators alike with valuable tools for success. You can discover both books at yourcreativechord. com forward slash books. I am confident they'll bring value and inspiration to you and those you care about.

[00:19:39] Another tip for setting boundaries is to communicate those boundaries.

[00:19:43] People can't read our minds, right? So it's important to let others know your limits and explain them clearly. For example I work from home, so all wellness appointments for my mother or me are scheduled on Mondays or  Fridays whenever possible after 3 p. m. Mom's wellness activities that we do together are also after 3 p.

[00:20:07] m. for our daily walks or sometimes we'll do some online dance or movement or chair yoga activities or we have a gym that we'll, we have on the complex that we go to for some strength training. All of that happens after 3 o'clock, not before. Also, since I work from home, we've clarified to friends and family that unannounced visits don't work for us.

[00:20:31] So making a plan to set a date and a time for any social visits is an absolute non negotiable necessity. The next important tip for setting boundaries is to say no with no guilt. Fortunately, because I practice SGI Buddhism, there is no guilt in Buddhism. It's about taking self responsibility and making causes.

[00:20:54] It's not about feeling bad about things. That's kind of a self slander. And that [00:21:00] degrades the value of the dignity of our life. So we don't do that. Setting boundaries without feeling guilty is really important. Sometimes you have to say no. You have to decline requests and just say no. Jane Fonda said very famously, No is a complete sentence.

[00:21:17] That means you don't have to explain it. No is no, and that's your boundary, and you have your reasons, you don't have to explain that. You have a right to set a boundary for your needs and for what you value. By saying no sometimes, you're saying yes to what means the most to you and your wellness. If I said yes every time family members wanted to pop over and visit, that would deeply, and has in the past, cut into my workflow, and that damages my daily life.

[00:21:51] And then I feel overloaded and I feel like I have to catch up, feel frustrated, and I don't give as much quality emotionally or mentally to [00:22:00] the visit when they're actually here. Saying no is critical to setting boundaries so that when I am present with others, I feel like I can really be there mindfully and I've done my work mindfully so that I can be there in the moment.

[00:22:18] You could phrase boundary setting like. After 6 p. m., I'm dedicating my time to family and creativity. Or, if you want to visit with me, you'll need to make a plan in advance so I can make time for you in my schedule. Clear, simple boundaries are easier to maintain. Each of these steps, prioritizing your boundaries, setting limits in different places of our lives, communicating those boundaries, and saying no brings you closer to living aligned with your needs.

[00:22:55] With what matters most to you and it's going to impact your life that's already [00:23:00] impacting mine as I'm practicing this with more joy, with more appreciation. With more energy, because you're living a life aligned with your values, and you're able to be mindful and present because of that, in whatever situation you embrace.

[00:23:17] Is there a specific boundary you could start setting today around work time, personal time, or something else that's important to you? The wins of having boundaries really outweigh the loss. Let me explain that. As I reflect on all of this, I think of how boundaries bring bigger wins into our lives. Most, including me, are hesitant to set healthy limits for fear of the backlash.

[00:23:46] We worry about what other people think of us. I've dealt with my share of that in the past eight years, especially my whole life. I've been doing this ridiculous bending over backward people pleasing thing, and I'm done with that. [00:24:00] I have learned that people with toxic habits, they don't like my healthy boundaries.

[00:24:06] My healthy boundaries remove the chance for those toxic people to manipulate me for their gain. Many people are afraid of the negative result of boundary setting and I went through that in my own personal life. Recently, it's a difficult experience that mimics the grieving process because it's a loss when other people don't respect your boundaries, when they react with anger or cutting off the distressing relationship because they just didn't like it.

[00:24:38] It reminds me of a toddler throwing a temper tantrum when they don't get their way, they don't like what you're saying, and they act out. It's very difficult to sit with that, but you have to acknowledge that they're uncomfortable with your boundary. That doesn't mean you don't have a boundary. You have to let yourself feel what you feel, sad, disappointed, [00:25:00] resentful.

[00:25:01] Sometimes when you don't feel appreciated, you go through all of that. It's part of the grieving process, and that is a kind of loss. You don't always lose people when you set boundaries, but sometimes, if you're dealing with toxic people, that can happen. It's happening in my life. But that kind of negativity from others as a response to me setting healthy boundaries proves the lack of quality within that relationship.

[00:25:25] Like, it wasn't harmonious anyway, or if it was, it was a one way street. And it solidifies my determination to remain firm with my boundaries. Unless, and until, others rise up to meet me with mutual effort and appreciation. If not, as is the case in some of my personal situations, I'm okay with it. Because I understand people get there on their own timetable, not mine.

[00:25:54] And I will no longer give up my healthy boundaries. Because it's an act of [00:26:00] self compassion, an act of self love, to have boundaries. By doing that, I become a better person. So that when I'm with other people, I'm giving a much better version of myself. A more authentic version. And it's mutually reciprocal.

[00:26:17] It's just a much more quality relationship in general. Celebrate the wins of setting boundaries. Because when you have healthy boundaries in place, it means you are free from toxic behaviors. You're free from toxic scenarios, where you're depleted and exhausted and feel unappreciated. You're free of that.

[00:26:38] You're free of the anxiety, resentment, exhaustion, and burnout of dealing with toxic behaviors. You're free of that when you set healthy boundaries. It's an amazing space that's opened up in your life. Having set boundaries brings greater self awareness. For me, my people pleasing tendency [00:27:00] was to avoid conflict.

[00:27:02] Or gain the favor of other people. But this was a false harmony. And it's a false favor. Others don't favor me when I'm bending over backwards for them to keep the peace. They just get what they want at my expense. So I had a very false understanding of what harmony was. Or what doing something for someone else's favor was.

[00:27:27] It's not favor. The harmony I aimed for through people pleasing and toxic relationships, it was one sided. I did all the work. Self awareness with healthy boundaries is a huge victory in self compassion and self care. That's a big leap forward in a happier life toward enjoyable, healthy relationships.

[00:27:47] Mutually reciprocal relationships and deepened self confidence and esteem. I can be myself. I don't have to bend or mold myself to what somebody else wants me to [00:28:00] be to appease them. I can just be who I am. That's really liberating and brings greater esteem and self confidence. Setting boundaries also brings awareness to imbalanced patterns of doing more than your fair share.

[00:28:15] I really woke up to that in my own life this year. I now draw a very healthy boundary line where my self care and balance are in question. If there's a question, I put a line there and I back up. I use the self awareness from setting boundaries to question my previous people pleasing habits. Why am I doing that?

[00:28:38] What did or do I still falsely believe about myself? Or why did I participate in that toxic scenario the way I did? Through questioning myself, I recognized my older habits and false beliefs, and I proactively now replace those. With firmness about my healthy boundaries and work [00:29:00] toward my healing.

[00:29:02] Whatever prompted me to participate, I'm actively working towards removing, blaming others or myself. I practice being aware and starting new thoughts and habits like, I deserve to do only my fair share. I deserve to get what I give mutually. I deserve to be appreciated. I focus on myself for a change and as a new balanced way of life.

[00:29:35] And when I say I focus on myself, I'm not being selfish about it. It's not selfish to sit with your own feelings and reflect on how you got where you are and to reestablish what's most important to you and draw boundaries so you can get to those things. That is a healthy self relationship. That's what I'm doing now, working towards.[00:30:00] 

[00:30:00] Improving that. I'm also using boundaries to change negative false beliefs. I'm worthy and deserving as I am. So are you. I don't need to do anything extra to prove my worth or to alleviate someone else's conflict or misery. That's their karma. That's their life. That's their job. My job is to fulfill my best potential for a happy, fulfilled, creative life and bring that joy to those open to it.

[00:30:30] It's not my job to make them open to it. My bold success and my happiness do not create conflict for other people or diminish their light. That's a false belief I had for a long time that I'm still working to negate. If others think that my success creates conflict for them or diminishes their light, that's not my business.

[00:30:56] My job is to rise to my highest [00:31:00] joy. This is proof for others to do that same thing. Our empowerment shines a light for others to find that strength within themselves. We can embrace each moment much more deeply to enjoy what means the most to us and with those we love when we're mindful of our boundaries.

[00:31:22] I'm committing to being present and fully appreciating moments of our lives. With my mom, in my activities, with my friends, meeting new people, and even daily tasks. I'm appreciating them as something temporary and special. And just being there. Because they are temporary and they are special. This too shall pass.

[00:31:44] That's life. Everything is going to change. So I'm much more mindful of being positive and appreciative in the fleeting moments I have with whatever I'm doing or whoever I'm with. And I'm using this new [00:32:00] place with boundaries to set new traditions to replace old toxic scenarios. I'm practicing joyful mindfulness in new ways of living, being, and thinking.

[00:32:14] It takes practice to replace that old tendency, so I'm being very proactive about it. It's a powerful shift to bring more attention and care to what we value because being present lets us cherish. Moments that matter, and it's so much more enjoyable to live that way. So what values do you want to honor in your life?

[00:32:41] How can you say yes to these values by saying no to something else? Remember, when you're saying no, by setting a boundary, you're saying yes to something else. So what are you saying yes to? Make sure that's aligning with your values, what's important to you. Who or what do [00:33:00] you want to spend more mindful time with?

[00:33:05] Consider one way to start showing up for that today.

[00:33:13] To wrap up, remember that setting boundaries is not about shutting people out, though they might choose that route. It's about letting the right things in and becoming the person you want to be and embracing the values you most care about, the life you want to live. If today's episode is resonating with you, You can download my Inspirational Bookmark Trio at your creative core.

[00:33:40] com forward slash get inspired here. It's full of gentle reminders to stay balanced and inspired and set those healthy limits. And you'll find that in the show notes. And also love for you to join our new Facebook group. It's the creative flow and inspired living with Your Creative [00:34:00] Chord. Facebook group.

[00:34:01] We're a growing community of people like you who want to live creatively and meaningfully watch for an encouraging panelist event. In this new group coming in early spring, 2025, check out episodes 58, 62, and 63 on burnout recovery, and my creativity series in episodes 41 through 44. These go deeper into the topics summarized in my Inspirational Bookmark Trio, and you'll find even more support there to create a balanced, fulfilled life.

[00:34:34] It's just wonderful to have those in your hands as visual reminders. And as we wrap up, ask yourself. If there's one area in your life where you could be more present or intentional, it could be with someone close to you, your work, or even how you care for yourself. Take a moment to consider it and maybe even jot it down if you have a pen [00:35:00] nearby.

[00:35:03] Let's quickly reflect on what we've discussed today. We've discussed how setting boundaries protects your creative energy, how to identify what truly deserves your focus, and some specific ways to say no to things or people that don't serve your goals or your wellness. And most importantly, we explored why embracing limits leads to bigger wins than losses.

[00:35:32] Take a moment to think about where a small boundary could help you preserve your creativity or well being this week.

[00:35:46] If you'd like more support with this, grab the free Inspirational Bookmark Trio download to keep you motivated and focused. Head over to yourcreativechord.com/getinspiredhere. It's a great tool to remind you to set those [00:36:00] creative boundaries and adhere to those. And again, if this episode resonates with you, I would love to hear your thoughts, share them in my Creative Flow and Inspired Living with Your Creative Chord Facebook group.

[00:36:12] Or in the comments, wherever you leave a review for the podcast. And if you feel moved, please share this episode with someone you think could benefit from hearing it. Again, all the links are in the show notes for you, so it's easy to grab. Thank you so much for tuning in today and for focusing on what truly matters.

[00:36:30] And I'll see you next time on Your Creative Chord Podcast, where we empower our creative flow and inspire living.

[00:36:38] VO Artist: Thank you for listening to Your Creative Chord podcast. If you found inspiration in today's episode, please leave a review and subscribe to the show. Your support helps spread the message of creativity and inspired living. Stay connected with Jenny Lee and a vibrant community of creatives and curious minds.

Visit YourCreativeChord.com for more resources. Remember daily life is where your creative flow begins. Embrace the journey.