2024-08-02 11.23.39 Bouncing Back From Betrayal

[00:00:00] Voice Over Artist Aileen Chase: Welcome to YourCreativeChord, hosted by Creative Force Jenny Leigh Hodgins. Jenny Leigh is an author, poet, hobbyist, and nature photographer with over 30 years of experience as a piano, music, and chorus educator and performer. As the voice behind YourCreativeChord, Jenny Leigh shares inspiring narratives, practical tips, interviews with creators, and uplifting wisdom for nurturing creative flow and inspired living.

Join her on this empowering journey where creativity and inspiration meet transformation.

[00:00:34] Jenny Leigh: Welcome to YourCreativeChord Podcast, where creativity and inspiration meet transformation. I'm your host, Jenny Leigh Hodgins. I cannot believe it's already August since YourCreativeChord Podcast rebooted in April, 2024. I've posted weekly and bi- weekly episodes. If you've missed it, we featured three different series on nurturing [00:01:00] creativity, the power of poetry, and piano learning.

Each series offered an in-depth exploration of these topics with the latter two featuring guest experts and sneak peeks from my new books, Kaleidoscope of the Heart, A Collection of Poetry and Lyrics, and Start Piano: What You Need For Successful Learning. Beyond these focused areas, our episodes have delved into universal themes of self-empowerment, creative expression, and mental wellness, highlighting the profound impact of nurturing creativity and practicing self care.

You can catch up on all of these enriching discussions at YourCreativeChord.com, and you can learn more about my books and grab your copy of either or both of my books at YourCreativeChord.com/books. We're now transitioning to a bi-monthly schedule with new episodes airing every other Tuesday and video versions [00:02:00] available on alternating Fridays on YouTube.

Upcoming episodes will continue to feature quality content at the intersection of creativity, inspiration, and transformation. In September, look forward to more piano tips from my book, Start Piano: What You Need For Successful Learning. If you've ever wanted to learn piano or know someone who does, you won't want to miss these upcoming episodes.

YourCreativeChord Podcast topics will alternate between solo and guest conversations with rotating themes from nurturing creativity, inspiring personal development, piano learning, and empowering poetry insights. 

The discussions will go beyond specific topics, exploring universal themes like self-empowerment, creative expression, mental wellness, and self care. I'll be continually sharing excerpts and insights from both of my books on piano and poetry in the piano and poetry focused [00:03:00] episodes. 

Today, we're talking about something that can be both painful and enlightening. Navigating betrayal. Have you ever felt betrayed? 

Over the past eight years, I have faced betrayal from family, business colleagues, and board members. Each instance was devastatingly disappointing, and felt like an unexpected blow. I feel like, having gone through such difficulty, I'm finally a real adult, right? When you survive hard times, you grow your inner adult muscle.

You become more mature. You get stronger inside. Looking back, I see how my lack of effective personal boundaries opened the door to these painful scenarios.

Reflecting on these experiences, I see them as profound lessons in personal growth despite the [00:04:00] pain they caused. Let's explore how to turn these challenging experiences into opportunities for self improvement. 

Let's jump into today's topic, Bouncing Back From Betrayal. 

Living an inspired life sometimes requires taking a courageous look at the hard things in life.

Dealing with betrayal, work-life balance, and personal growth can be challenging. However, doing this kind of inner work and developing healthy boundaries and behaviors against future negative scenarios are necessary for a more fulfilled life.

Though today's topic may feel heavy or dark, and it is literally what I'm undergoing in my life currently, it's important to talk about these topics to open the way to a lighter, deeper discussion. more joyful [00:05:00] experience. Our work on ourselves leads us to more enjoyable, fruitful, and loving lives and relationships.

This broader exploration of self care, mental wellness, and creative expression helps pave the way for a lighter, more joyful experience.

As I mentioned, I have experienced betrayal multiple times within the past eight years. Each situation forced me to take a deeper look at my own tendencies to overextend myself unfairly for others at the expense of my wellness. It was and is an excruciating lesson in personal growth. 

 Learning someone you trusted is not honorable, and recognizing you're being taken advantage of can be shocking. It may be the catalyst for emotional upheaval, but [00:06:00] you can use this delicate predicament as a springboard toward a more fulfilling positive direction.

Understanding betrayal extends beyond personal pain and can teach us about self-empowerment, mental wellness, and the power of creative expression in healing. 

Your response matters. What matters more in this situation is not what or who has happened to you, but how you respond. It is a challenging process You're human, of course.

Regardless of your disposition, an emotional process is natural. The question is, how to navigate your feelings to steer things in a more positive direction.

As I'm going through it, and have gone through this, I've created some steps to navigate betrayal, [00:07:00] and I'm using these steps myself, and I know they work well. So, here are my steps to navigate betrayal. 

First, don't retaliate. Instead, clarify. If possible, aim for objective dialogue to rule out any miscommunication.

Whether the other party refuses to talk it through, or you manage to have a conversation, you will learn something. You'll discover a miscommunication and clear it up. Or you'll find someone is not who you thought they were. In my experience, people's actions tell you who they are. Don't question that.

Learn from it. 

Step two in navigating betrayal is to take a beat. Betrayal evokes the grieving process. So allow yourself to [00:08:00] feel whatever you feel without judgment and treat yourself with gentleness. Give yourself time and space. to absorb and navigate this emotional experience before responding. This reflection period helps you avoid making the situation worse.

Find a safe place where you may feel what you feel. If you're feeling overwhelmed, find a safe space to express your feelings. This could involve physical activities like punching a pillow or going for a bike ride, which can help manage stress. Alternatively, tackle a new creative project or explore a new hobby.

Talk to a trusted friend or write in your journal. If you're to move past negative feelings, consider seeking support from a therapist. [00:09:00] You can use resources like Better Help, Grow Therapy, or Learn to Live to find the right support for you. You'll find the links to all of these resources in the show notes.

Whatever you choose, it's really important to safely address, acknowledge, and vent your feelings. An alternative is to use all of these suggestions simultaneously or gradually.

One way I've dealt with betrayal is through creative writing, specifically poetry. I'd like to share a poem called Rocked from my new book, Kaleidoscope of the Heart, to demonstrate how you can express your feelings through writing as a way to process the situation in a value creative way.

 Rocked 

I left myself completely [00:10:00] open, gave you everything inside, 

put my trust in your hands, just a little too starry eyed, 

crushed me with your words, shattered all my love, 

ripped into my heart, tearing me inside, 

total disbelief, betrayed by you. By you! 

Never forget the day. Nor the look on your face 

as you chased me down the street.

Speaking things unheard of, 

total disrespect, pushed me beyond the brink 

until I began to scream. 

Tormented by the lack of understanding to this day, 

I could never believe you would speak to me that way. [00:11:00] 

Still, the scene replays again within my mind. 

How unbearably cold, hurtful and unkind. 

The shock I felt continues even now.

How could you do this to me? How? 

Bitter words, endlessly reaching to break through. 

Never understood. Always felt the pain. 

After time, it seemed I was the only one 

fighting to make peace. Desperate for relief. 

Begging for your help, useless by this point. 

You cut me off, left me alone in a foreign place. 

Though you were the reason I was there. 

Your betrayal blew me away. 

Never have I been so shocked.

You're the one who taught me to trust. [00:12:00] 

My world has never been so rocked.

Expressing my feelings through poetry, even when those feelings are perceived as negative, has been an essential part of absorbing, processing, and handling the betrayal I experienced. Using poetry-writing to directly wrestle with my emotions has not only helped me confront the pain in a constructive way, but also to grow stronger

and more resilient. 

This creative outlet allowed me to transform my hurt into something constructive, guiding me toward a path of healing and personal growth. Through creative expression, we can often find clarity and strength.

***
Pardon this brief interruption. I'm Jenny Leigh Hodgins, and I'm excited to share two resources that can [00:13:00] truly enhance your life or serve as thoughtful gifts for those you care about.

First, Kaleidoscope of the Heart, A Collection of Poetry and Lyrics, is a beautiful, diverse, and therapeutic exploration of the human experience.

My verses reflect my inner transformation and serve as a powerful tool to help others tap into their inherent empowerment. 

With a range of poetic and lyrical styles and themes, from relationships and nature to self-empowerment and resilience, this collection offers hope and strength through the power of authentic expression.

Whether you're new to poetry or a longtime reader, its reflective and spiritually optimistic qualities make it a unique source of comfort and insight. 

One reader shared, "Jenny has gifted us with a comprehensive dive into universal matters of the heart, nature, relationships, [00:14:00] loss, and grief, hope and the artist's life.

This poetry offers moments of introspection and illumination about our human condition ."

Second, if you or someone you know is interested in learning piano, Start Piano: What You Need For Successful Learning is an invaluable guide. This book covers everything from choosing the right keyboard and finding a great teacher to mastering effective practice techniques. It's perfect for new learners and those returning to the piano.

Both books make fantastic gifts as well. For holiday shopping or special occasions, buying Kaleidoscope of the Heart in bulk to share with friends and family is an easy way to spread inspiration and joy. 

Similarly, bulk orders of Start Piano can equip aspiring musicians and educators alike with valuable tools for success.

 You can discover both books at [00:15:00] YourCreativeChord.com/books 

I am confident they'll bring value and inspiration to you and those you care about.

***
The third step in navigating betrayal is to break free. If possible, cut all ties completely, so you are free to move forward in a different direction. Do so with the utmost professionalism and courtesy. 

How others behave speaks volumes about them, not you. Always take the high road. 

But giving yourself space from those who betrayed, mistreated, or left you unfairly burdened is a gift of self care that you deserve.

Lastly, reflect on the gain. Appreciate that you are not stuck in a situation with people who create negative causes or drama or who cannot be trusted. Appreciate that you are free of [00:16:00] toxic people. Difficult experiences can teach you lessons about yourself. Learn what you can from the situation.

It may be a catalyst for you to rely more on and believe in yourself. It may serve to help you recognize your lack of healthy boundaries and need to self correct. It may train you to become a better judge of character. Or, it may serve as a guide for you to create a stronger, more harmonious team based on a shared vision.

The outcome may free you to do more of something you'd rather do, but you didn't have the time, energy, or bandwidth for it.

 For me, this is an ongoing lesson to practice valuing my life more and teaching people how I wish to be treated. I'm still working on setting effective, fair, and healthy boundaries for myself and for others to respect.

[00:17:00] And I would like to add that setting the boundary is just the first part. It's practicing--repeating those boundaries because they will be tested.

So I'm in that process of constantly resetting or reminding myself and others of the healthy boundaries that are in place. 

I'm using my current struggle to pay attention to the patterns in my life that are not helpful toward my work-life balance or positive mutually reciprocal relationships.

It's a moment in my life when I'm shining a very bright spotlight on treasuring myself as much as I treasure others. 

 Life is full of unexpected challenges and difficult people. Handling the situation with optimism while facing its challenging reality creates value and self awareness. 

Remember that other [00:18:00] people's actions say more about them than you. 

However, there is also plenty of room for learning about yourself, including your needs and behaviors and how to practice boundaries and communication in alignment with your values. 

Ask yourself what the situation teaches you about your needs and behavior. Rather than dwell on any negativity, use it as a wake up call

to focus on what is important to you and to practice boundaries, behavior, and communication in alignment with your values 

And empower yourself. No one deserves betrayal. Do not blame yourself, whether it's your past lack of healthy boundaries, workaholic tendencies, or gullibility. 

As Maya Angelou guided us with her [00:19:00] quote, "Do the best you can until you know better.

Then when you know better, do better."

 Everything starts from this moment forward. Use the past as a catalyst to move in a positive new direction with greater self wisdom. Use the difficulty of betrayal as a learning curve to become a stronger, more compassionate, wiser you.

From the last lecture by Randy Pausch, "It's not about the cards you're dealt, but how you play the hand." 

For me, navigating betrayal is an ongoing lesson in practicing self value and teaching others how to treat me. I'm working on setting healthy boundaries and recognizing unhelpful patterns in my life.

It's about treasuring myself. As much as I treasure others.

[00:20:00] 

[00:20:00] Jenny Leigh: Now it's your turn. 

Have you ever felt betrayed?

What did you learn from that experience?

Have you ever turned a betrayal into something positive?

Thank you for joining me on this episode of YourCreativeChord Podcast. If today's discussion on navigating betrayal resonated with you, or if you found value in the insights shared, I encourage you to explore our previous series on Creativity. Poetry and Piano. These series feature guest experts and sneak peeks from my books, Kaleidoscope of the Heart and Start Piano: What You Need For Successful Learning.

Remember, you can find these episodes and more at YourCreativeChord.com/podcast and any of your favorite listening platforms.

Please don't forget [00:21:00] to subscribe so you won't miss our upcoming episodes every other Tuesday. Plus check out our video versions on YouTube every alternating Friday. 

Talk with you next time where creativity and inspiration meet transformation. I'm Jenny Leigh Hodgins, and this is YourCreativeChord.

[00:21:18] Voice Over Artist Aileen Chase: Thank you for joining this episode of YourCreativeChord. We hope the discussion has inspired and empowered you. If you've enjoyed today's episode and have ideas you'd love to share or topics you'd like us to explore further, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform.

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Until next time, keep embracing the places where creativity and inspiration meet transformation in your daily life.

Thank you again for engaging with YourCreativeChord. Take care and have a harmonious day.